The Life of Jennifer Dawn: Can I share my heart with you today?

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Can I share my heart with you today?

I was driving Lydia Grace out to a Mommy and Me class today when Casting Crowns came on over the radio with the song Praise You In This Storm.  Music has always been such a powerful thing to me.  I think it may have something to do with the fact that I have played piano since I was five.  Music just speaks volumes to me.  And today...Casting Crowns coming out of the car stereo took me back...

This song and Jeremy Camp's Walk By Faith were two songs that continually ran through my mind when we were facing our heartbreaking miscarriages.  I remember standing in church on a Sunday when I was pregnant for the second time after having Lydia Grace...  Let's just say that I already knew that the pregnancy--like the one before it--was going terribly wrong.  I remember standing there with tears pouring down my cheeks determined to walk by faith, raise my hands, and praise God in the storm...

At that time, I didn't know what the future held for me or my family, but I knew God was there weathering the storm with me, giving me peace, and strengthening my faith.

Today the lyrics
As the thunder rolls
I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, "I'm with you"
And as Your mercy falls I raise my hands
And praise the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise You in this storm and I will lift my hands
For You are who You are no matter where I am
And every tear I've cried You hold in Your hand
You never left my side and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
flowed through the car reminding me that in sunshine or stormy weather, my GOD is always with me.  He "never left my side."

It was a beautiful day today.  The sun was shining.  The weather was warm.  Eli was kicking away in my tummy.  The music was playing.  Lydia Grace was sitting in the backseat eating cereal and happily looking at a book.  (This pleasant scene is rare in my car because Lydia Grace hates being in the car.)  But in that moment everything was perfect.  I could look back on the losses with a reassurance that it was God who brought me through the storm.  And it was God who was still with me in the car today as I praised him not only for the blessing of a new little life growing inside of me, but for the blessing of a beautiful little girl sitting in the backseat.  I also praised him for the trials I had suffered that allowed me to fully appreciate that perfect moment in the car.

Will there be other storms in the future?
Of course.
But like Jeremy Camp sings...
I will walk by faith
Even when I cannot see
Well because this broken road
Prepares Your will for me

Help me to win my endless fears

You've been so faithful for all my years
With one breath You make me new
Your grace covers all I do...
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