The Life of Jennifer Dawn: Did I fail today?

Monday, June 9, 2014

Did I fail today?

Well, the day started out wonderful. Monday--the beginning of a brand new week! I had such a positive outlook on the day...

All three kids slept past 7 a.m.
We had a restful night.
No one started the day crying.
We had a whole day of fun and adventure ahead of us.
I would get to spend it with my little ones whom I adore.
I truly felt so blessed and grateful.
We cooked breakfast together. It was picturesque.

A peaceful breakfast is where this picture-perfect day ended though. The rest of the day was filled with tantrums, fights between siblings, misbehavior, whining, potty accidents, failed attempts at getting the house cleaned up, a stress-filled errand, and screaming kids during the entire drive home.

By the end of the day, I felt defeated. Utterly DEFEATED... After the hubby helped put the kids to bed, he stood in the kitchen and announced, "Well, I got the yard mowed when I got home from work." I know he meant it as an encouragement. I had the kids with me, so he was able to easily get a task done that is often challenging for him to find time to complete. In the midst of my weariness, I didn't take it that way though. He had worked all day and had still managed to mow the lawn. I had used up every ounce of strength and patience I could muster on consoling and caring for the kids. Through tears I snapped, "Well, I'm glad one of us got something done. I feel like I failed in the mommy department today." Guilt immediately clenched my heart as soon as the words passed my lips because staying home with my kids is all I've wanted since having Lydia Grace. The time I have with my kids is a gift, so why did I feel deflated rather than fulfilled today?

Do you ever have days like that? Days where you wonder what went wrong...
What should I have done differently? Did I fall short as a mother? Why was today so rough?

I spent the rest of the evening reading scriptures, praying, and asking God to give me peace and a grateful heart--even when motherhood hands me moments of defeat. And it does. This mommy thing is hard! I don't think we admit that to each other enough. It is a wonderful adventure, but it is also paved with many challenges. I'll admit it... Today was challenging. Today was discouraging. Today left me in tears. Today I let feelings of doubt and defeat creep in. As I was praying this evening, one word kept coming to mind... Grace. At the end of the day, there's always GRACE! And LOVE! I have an unconditional love for my kids even when I don't love how they act. God's love is like that for us--even greater! It's unconditional, great, and incomprehensible!

As I prayed about the day, my focus shifted from one of defeat to one of love and grace. In between the trying times, there were still moments to be grateful for. I gave and received lots of hugs and kisses today. LOVE. Lydia Grace thanked me for bandaging a hurt finger. CARE. We got to spend some time with Mimi (my mom). FAMILY. I cared for, fed, and loved three little ones. ACCOMPLISHMENT. There were still giggles and smiles shared. HAPPINESS. Even through the tears, tantrums, trials, and tests, there was still a voice saying, "You are enough. You are loved. The job you are doing matters. Blessings remain..."

My sweet, fellow mommy! Did you have a day that left you feeling defeated too? If so, let me just encourage you with the same encouragement I'm reveling in tonight. We are not defeated. God's love and grace sustains us. Tomorrow is a new day! And if it happens to be another day filled with tears and tantrums (let's hope not), there will still be grace-filled moments.  There will still be moments to be grateful for. There will always be love.

Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!
Psalm 106:1
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  1. Oh I needed to read this this morning. Thank you! And you are definitely not alone :) This Mom job is hard and you're right in that if only we allowed ourselves a little more grace sometimes.

    1. Yes! Grace! Thank you, friend, for taking the time to share your own thoughts and feelings with me.

  2. What a wonderful, honest post and it is so true. I struggle with trying not to obsess over my "to do" list and getting things accomplished and not lose sight of the simple, precious gifts God gives me each day!

    1. I think those are struggles every mommy has. Thanks for sharing with me today!

  3. I feel like I've been having so many bad mommy days lately, mostly because I'm stressed and you're right -being a mom is hard. But I'm trying really hard to reflect on WHY days have ended so chaotically - maybe because I've put too much pressure on myself. The floor doesn't have to be so clean we can lick it. Florence doesn't have to wear white to the park like EVERY other child there (don't get me started), she will learn to walk and talk and it's not my fault that she hasn't. I suppose those rough moments, however, make those extra little kisses and laughs and fun times that much better!

    1. I really appreciate your openness to share with me today. I think what you said about putting too much pressure on ourselves is so true. Just like the sweet mommy said in the first comment, we need to extend ourselves more grace. I certainly have days where I feel like I'm not doing a good enough job. My own mother is usually the one who gives me a little pep talk. I pray that God will equip me with what I need to be the best mommy that I can be to my children. That's usually the time when I realize that he already has. He chose me to raise these sweet babies knowing that with his help and guidance, I could give them just what they need. It is no accident that I'm their mommy. It's no accident that you are Florence's mommy. Such a sweet name for a little girl!

      P.S. My daughter didn't walk until she was 18 months old. My little Eli was that old or older before he finally talked. :)

  4. I'm not a mom yest, but I get stressed from other things (I'm not comparing), and we need to enjoy the little moments.
    When I feel like I'm loosing it, I take a break and pray. It always helps :)

    1. That's a great point to bring up. Feelings like these are common for everyone.


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