All three kids slept past 7 a.m.
We had a restful night.
No one started the day crying.
We had a whole day of fun and adventure ahead of us.
I would get to spend it with my little ones whom I adore.
I truly felt so blessed and grateful.
We cooked breakfast together. It was picturesque.
A peaceful breakfast is where this picture-perfect day ended though. The rest of the day was filled with tantrums, fights between siblings, misbehavior, whining, potty accidents, failed attempts at getting the house cleaned up, a stress-filled errand, and screaming kids during the entire drive home.
By the end of the day, I felt defeated. Utterly DEFEATED... After the hubby helped put the kids to bed, he stood in the kitchen and announced, "Well, I got the yard mowed when I got home from work." I know he meant it as an encouragement. I had the kids with me, so he was able to easily get a task done that is often challenging for him to find time to complete. In the midst of my weariness, I didn't take it that way though. He had worked all day and had still managed to mow the lawn. I had used up every ounce of strength and patience I could muster on consoling and caring for the kids. Through tears I snapped, "Well, I'm glad one of us got something done. I feel like I failed in the mommy department today." Guilt immediately clenched my heart as soon as the words passed my lips because staying home with my kids is all I've wanted since having Lydia Grace. The time I have with my kids is a gift, so why did I feel deflated rather than fulfilled today?
Do you ever have days like that? Days where you wonder what went wrong...
What should I have done differently? Did I fall short as a mother? Why was today so rough?
I spent the rest of the evening reading scriptures, praying, and asking God to give me peace and a grateful heart--even when motherhood hands me moments of defeat. And it does. This mommy thing is hard! I don't think we admit that to each other enough. It is a wonderful adventure, but it is also paved with many challenges. I'll admit it... Today was challenging. Today was discouraging. Today left me in tears. Today I let feelings of doubt and defeat creep in. As I was praying this evening, one word kept coming to mind... Grace. At the end of the day, there's always GRACE! And LOVE! I have an unconditional love for my kids even when I don't love how they act. God's love is like that for us--even greater! It's unconditional, great, and incomprehensible!
As I prayed about the day, my focus shifted from one of defeat to one of love and grace. In between the trying times, there were still moments to be grateful for. I gave and received lots of hugs and kisses today. LOVE. Lydia Grace thanked me for bandaging a hurt finger. CARE. We got to spend some time with Mimi (my mom). FAMILY. I cared for, fed, and loved three little ones. ACCOMPLISHMENT. There were still giggles and smiles shared. HAPPINESS. Even through the tears, tantrums, trials, and tests, there was still a voice saying, "You are enough. You are loved. The job you are doing matters. Blessings remain..."
My sweet, fellow mommy! Did you have a day that left you feeling defeated too? If so, let me just encourage you with the same encouragement I'm reveling in tonight. We are not defeated. God's love and grace sustains us. Tomorrow is a new day! And if it happens to be another day filled with tears and tantrums (let's hope not), there will still be grace-filled moments. There will still be moments to be grateful for. There will always be love.
Praise the Lord! Oh give thanks to the Lord, for he is good, for his steadfast love endures forever!