On Friday I shared why I hadn't been blogging as much lately. Here's a convo the hubby and I had about it today...
Me: I've felt a lot better today.
Tim: I've noticed.
Me: I think I probably have been dealing with some postpartum symptoms. They say it gets worse when you're tired, and I've been pretty stressed and tired lately. I tried to nap when the kids napped and I tried to get lots of rest this weekend.
Tim: I've tried to help out a lot this weekend and let you get plenty of rest. (And he has!)
Me: I've noticed. Thanks... (pause) Do you think that I'm more prone to postpartum depression because I've struggled with some depression in the past.
Tim: I think it's that and the fact that in the last four years you've gotten pregnant, had a baby... (long pause) lost two babies (getting a bit choked up on the words), gotten pregnant again, and had another baby. Your hormones have been on a roller coaster.
Me: Yeah. I guess. I don't think some people realize how debilitating depression can be.
Tim: I've read some about it online.
Me: Lately, I've been disinterested in a lot of things. I've cried. I've been tired. I've hurt everywhere. Friday night my whole body ached...even the muscles in my face. (chuckle) I've had to make silent commands to myself just to be able to do the things that need to be done. "Now you need to get up." "Now you have to brush your teeth." "Now you have to wipe the table off from where L.G. ate dinner." I've had to order myself to do even the simplest of tasks. I really do feel a lot better today though...getting so much rest and all.
And I do! I've prayed about it a lot this weekend too! Have you ever struggled with postpartum or any kind of depression for that matter? It seems like so many of my friends who have had babies deal with the aftermath effortlessly. Me...I tend to hit some bumps in the road as hormone levels settle out again. It does get worse when I'm tired, and I don't always do the best job of taking care of myself. As long as the kids are taken care of, my own health sometimes gets sacrificed. I've always been like that. Especially during the college years when I had so many things going on at once. Unfortunately not taking care of myself eventually catches up with me.
My mom reminded me the other day that Lydia Grace was about 18 months old before I really got past the postpartum symptoms from that pregnancy. My babies themselves have brought me so much joy though. Along with lots of rest this weekend, I also made sure to get lots of hugs, kisses, and cuddles.
Friend, thanks for letting me share my joys and struggles with you. Sometimes it is hard and a little embarrassing to be so transparent though. I begin to fret over what impression people will get. Sometimes I worry too much about what people think. I find that I am able to be more open about things here than in person though. I also find myself hoping that somehow the words I say here will offer up encouragement to someone else dealing with the same things. It's nice to have a release...a place to vent...my little corner of the world. Thanks for listening, friend. And thanks for visiting with me.
I hope you have a blessed week!